Black Flowers
by fifairies
Summary: What happens when a friend wants something more?
1. Sorting

Before I forget...Hogwarts & Co. belong to J.K. Rowling. The Melancthas are mine! Feel free to read and review but remember, it is a fiction

based off my whims...so I don't care for criticisms.

* * *

Chapter 1: Sorting

* * *

Alexandria Melanctha looked at the incoming group of students and briefly recalled the day she had been sorted into the Gryffindor house. Her

mother had not been overly surprised considering they never got along well. For generations the women in her family had ended up in Slytherin.

The husbands of said women usually didn't stick around for long enough to even meet their children and the few that did tended to be of

Slytherin as well. However, her mother was not greatly perturbed by this for her older sister was already in Slytherin. She however, had been

greatly perturbed by this because it then meant that she could never again return home. However, she had been lucky in her choice of friends

and by moving around constantly she assured that she was not a burden to anyone. Although her mother's family had given up hope on her,

her father apparently had not. Although she had never met her father, didn't even know his name, actually, he had left quite a sum at his death

to be used by "whichever one of (his) children that is so fortunate as to be cast out of that living hellhole," or at least, that's what Dumbledore

told her. Luckily, her mother had paid for most of her items the first year, assuming naturally that she would be placed in Slytherin as well.

"Oh no!" she was yanked out of her reverie by Lily's mumble.

"What?" she asked, startled. Lily pointed at the opposite end of the table where two boys were walking up.

"Oh, Lily, really, it's just James and Remus. He's not quite so horrible once you get past the fact that you're absolutely in love with him!" she

joked, earning an ill deserved shove from her friend.

"Oh shut it Alex!" she said, pretending to be completely absorbed in the sorting that was still going on. Alex turned when she heard McGonagall

say a familiar name,

"Raven Melanctha!" she shouted. Alex watched as her little brother stepped up to be sorted. She didn't know what to hope. Her brother had a

strong affection for their mother (miraculously) but wasn't quite the typical Melanctha male, at least, judging from the few cousins she knew of.

Her brother walked up to the hat rather nervously and winced as if it were painful to put on. She saw him mumble something and remembered

arguing with the hat herself not too long ago, hoping to be put anywhere but Slytherin. However, she knew full well that was not what her

brother wanted. She winced as the hat shouted, "Slytherin!" and watched as her brother hooted in triumph and went to join her older sister at

the table at the far end. Although she didn't realize it, her body slumped in her seat. Lily reached to put a consoling arm around her but Alex just

shrugged it off. She caught the attention of Professor McGonagall and mimed feeling unwell and going upstairs. McGonagall nodded as if she

understood the real reason and gave her permission to go.

"Lily, do you know the password for the common room, yet?" she asked, getting up. Lily didn't need to ask why she was leaving she simply

nodded and said,

"Dragon scales." Alex nodded and walked away.

She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she had been selfishly hoping that her brother would have joined her as a family outcast. She didn't

want to feel so alone. As much as she despised the majority of her family, they had still been her family. Although her sister Ciera wrote her

occasionally, she had stopped trying to talk to her after hearing the jokes her other Slytherin friends made of her. Just as she came upon the

portrait of the fat lady, she felt a pair of hands slide around her eyes.

"Whoever it is, I don't feel like playing." She said, tugging at the hands. The hands stayed put. "Oh, who is it? Remus? James? No? Well then, it

can't be Peter because he's shorter than me. And I haven't seen…Sirius, is that you?" she said as if she had caught him doing something bad.

He finally let go and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her off the ground.

"Ahh, you took the fun right out of that!" he said, holding her off the ground.

"Sirius, let me go, I'm in no mood for your games right now!" she shouted, trying rather half heartedly to punch him in the stomach.

"Ha! Since when does it matter what mood _you_'re in? Now, why don't you be a sweet little thing and say the password for us?" he said,

laughing.

"Siriuuuus!"

"Alexaaaa!" he said, shaking her for effect.

"Password!" added the fat lady. Alex slumped dismally in his arms.

"Dragon scales." She muttered. The fat lady harrumphed slightly as if their display of friendship was disgusting. Sirius bolted into the common

room and threw her onto the nearest couch.

"Now was that so hard?" he said. Alex didn't move from her dejected slump on the couch.

"Go away Sirius." Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Oh…" he said. "that time of the month, eh?" he said, nudging her leg with his foot. Alex snapped up,

"NO, Sirius! It is not that time of the month! I'm just bloody tired of your stupid games already! Why won't you just leave me be?" she asked.

She thought she saw a brief look of hurt cross Sirius's features but before she could feel bad he snorted at her.

"What's got you so uptight?" he asked, sitting down next to her. He folded his arms and looked at the roaring fire across from them. Suddenly,

he straightened up and looked at her. "I forgot, your brother was supposed to be sorted this year, right?" he asked, pushing back her hair from

her face. Alex simply groaned and hid her face further in the pillow.

"I don't want to talk about it Sirius. That's why I came here by myself." She mumbled. Sirius gripped her up and pulled her towards him. She

allowed herself to be settled against his shoulder. Before she knew it, silent tears were sliding down her face and her arms had wrapped

themselves about Sirius's lanky frame. "I'm just so tired of being alone Sirius. Aren't you?" she asked, knowing that he was in a similar situation.

"Sometimes. But then I think about all the friends I've made here. In Gryffindor. James, Remus, even Peter. I would say Lily but she fancies me

about as much as she does James." Alex shifted uncomfortably noticing the lack of a certain name.

"And then there's you." He said, quietly, just as she tried to shove herself away from him. "I hate to say it but sometimes it feels good knowing

I'm not the only outcast of their family." She smiled and leaned back against his shoulder.

"I know what you mean. You can't imagine how happy I was when I first met you. I just kept thinking you were just like me. Little did I know."

She said, laughing.

"What?" he asked pretending to be offended.

"Little did I know how annoying you would end up being to me!" She said, poking him for emphasis. She laughed when he jumped,

unsuspecting. She stopped him before he could poke her back, sitting up a little straighter. "Wait," she said, grabbing his hand and holding it.

"Do you hear that?" she asked, getting up and looking at the back of the portrait, "It sounds like everyone's about to come in…"she looked back

at Sirius briefly then smiled. "Thanks Sirius." She only then realized she still held his hand and quickly dropped it. "I've got to go to my room,

now. I told Lily I'd be there."

Sirius watched her as she walked away. She disappeared up the stairs just as the first students began climbing in through the portrait. Sirius

stared at his hand for a minute before a pillow was suddenly lodged at his head. He smiled,

"Hey James!" he said, turning around without missing a beat he threw the pillow right back.

* * *


	2. Lying

A/N: Just to mention, the whole Hogwarts & Co. belong to J.K.R. and bit mentioned in the first chapter goes for the rest of the chapters as

well...k?

* * *

Chapter 2: Lying

* * *

"You okay now?" asked Lily when she entered their shared room. Alex nodded,

"Sirius was in front of the portrait when I got there, I talked to him for a little while." Lily nodded understanding how that would help her friend.

"I saw that he was already in the common room when I came in." she said. Suddenly she cast her friend a wicked un-Lily like smile. "So you two

were alone, eh?" she asked, wanting payback on the earlier comment about James, "Have you snogged him yet?" she asked. Alex threw her

pillow at her.

"Oh, Lily! You know we're just friends. It's not like you and Potter, you two are desperately in love and don't even realize it yet." She said,

reaching to unpack her bags. Although Alex got along with most of the boys she knew, her relationship with Sirius was based more on the fact

he understood her without even trying. her and Remus had a strong friendship that Lily believed had a lot to do with Alex's optimistic nature,

which Remus benefited from being around at times. Alex had known James even before coming to Hogwarts and their friendship could

sometimes be viewed as brother/sister and sometimes even as best friends. It was well known there were somethings he would only talk to

Alex about, that he would never talk to the guys about. Peter liked Alex mainly because she was nice to him even though she found

tremendously annoying at times.

"Oh come on, Alex." Lily, said, ignoring her last comment, "Sirius is one of the most wanted guys in Gryffindor. You're telling me you didn't take

the chance to kiss him on what promises to be one of the few times you two will ever get alone together? You're such a wimp." She threw the

pillow back on Alex's bed and laid down in her own. "'Sides, even if James does like me, what does it matter? He's permanently attached to

Sirius and Remus at the hip. Peter just follows them around like some type of lap dog. Any chance he has to catch me on my own will probably

be to pull some crazy prank on me. I've had enough blue hair days, thank you."

"Oh, please. If you'll recall, I was the one with the blue hair. Yours was some brilliant red that actually looked good on you, seeing as how

you're hair is already brilliantly red. I, however, looked like I'd been dunked in a two year old's finger paint." She said, sighing. Lily laughed.

"But you were brilliant about it anyway. That haircut you gave yourself really made it seem as if you were just in some punk rock phase. Admit it,

you liked it." Alex shrugged but smiled as if to saying, yeah, so what? Finally Lily snuggled under her covers and turned out her light.

"Goodnight, Alex."

"Goodnight, Lily." She responded.

* * *

"Hey guys." Said Lily, as she walked by the Marauders.

"Hey Lily." Said Remus, James nodded at her and Sirius waved from on the ground where he was sprawled. "Where's Alex?" asked Remus,

when he looked up and saw Lily was by herself. James was leaning against a tree complaining about having homework already to Sirius who

was talking about how beautiful days like these shouldn't be spent indoors.

"I think she's with her boyfriend." She said shrugging. She was about to continue walking when she realized that James had stopped talking

and was looking at Sirius funny.

"Sirius?" James asked, nudging his friend's leg with his toe. "I just asked you if-" but Sirius cut him off and turned to face Lily.

"She has a boyfriend?" he asked, getting up slightly. "Who?"

"She goes out with Sebastian Azaleos, from Slytherin." She told him.

"A _Slytherin_?" asked Sirius, sitting up fully.

"Yeah, I know, strange. He's not too bad though. Bought her some candy the other day." She said, and then walked away when she saw her

friend Alice.

"A Slytherin?" repeated Sirius, almost to himself.

"Yeah, go figure. She comes from an entire line of Slytherins herself. Only makes sense she'd be interested in them. You've dated a Slytherin

before, Black." He said, shrugging.

"I did not _date_ a Slytherin. I snogged her once." James gave him a disbelieving look. "So maybe I felt up on her too, geez. Still, you don't see me

complaining about my Slytherin family and then turning around to date one."

"She complains?" asked Remus, "I've only ever heard her say how sometimes she wishes she could go home again." Sirius snorted in his

direction then shrugged.

"Yeah well, so what?" He mumbled, laying back down on the grass.

* * *

"Why isn't Alex at the dinner table tonight?" asked Remus. Lily noticed that Sirius scowled at the question and that James was studiously

ignoring her, no doubt for yelling at him earlier when he tried to copy her notes.

"She's feeling ill." said Lily, so automatically that Remus knew at once she had been told to say that.

"What happened to her, is she alright?" he asked, beginning to sound worried.

"She's fine, Remus. I think she had some trouble with Sebastian but she doesn't want to talk about it." She said, shrugging helplessly. She

knew only too well that Alex was best left to her own devices when hurt or upset. Remus shook his head.

"I told her there was something dodgy about him." He said, "I'll try and talk to her later. She just needs to calm down, probably." Suddenly,

Sirius straightened in his chair.

"I think I know why she's upset." He said, sounding angry. Lily looked over her shoulder to where Sirius's heated gaze led. Her jaw dropped.

Sebastian had his arms around none other than Alex's sister.

"Oh no!" cried, Lily, getting up. "That's horrible, I have to go talk to her," Remus shook his head pulling her back down into her seat.

"No, Lily, just let her be for the moment. She'll talk about it when she's ready." He said. Sirius however had already gotten up and had been

about ready to quite possibly kill (or just beat to a pulp) Sebastian in front of all the heads of houses and Dumbledore. James caught him just

before he reached the Slytherin table.

"Sirius, what the hell are you doing?" he asked, dragging his friend out into the hall. Sirius didn't reply but James heard a low growl in his

friend's throat. "Look, just go, go upstairs. Don't worry about him just yet, we can get him later." He said, shoving Sirius towards the stairs.

"Just let me," he began, trying to push past James.

"No, you want to kill him, kill him later. Not in front of Dumbledore, 'kay?" he said. Finally Sirius nodded and retreated up the stairs.

When Sirius finally stumbled into the common room, he was surprised to see Alex in front of the fire with her cat. She looked up as he entered

the common room and watched as he crossed the room to sit beside her. She didn't sob or cling to him as if heartbroken, but he heard the

difficulty she was having breathing.

"I never expected it Sirius." She said, closing her eyes. "I mean, I didn't expect it to last forever, I didn't even want it to, but I did like him. But

that's not the worst part. The worst part is that she knew. She knew Sirius. Why would she do that to me?" Sirius looked at her and tilted her

chin up to face him.

"Don't worry about her. She stopped being your family when her friends became more important than you." He told her, drawing her closer to

him.

"But it's so hard Sirius, so hard to believe that I no longer have a family." She said. His hand slipped into hers and she looked at it for a moment

before looking back up at him.

"You have a family, Alexa, you have a sister in Lily and a brother in Remus. Even James is kind of a retarded cousin or something." She laughed.

"I don't know exactly what I am. But I am here. And I'd never hurt you Alexa. Never." They sat in silence until the common room door opened up

and Lily came to sit beside her.

"You okay?" she asked, quietly. Alex nodded and got up.

"I'm fine." Then she looked at Sirius who was still staring at the fire. "I feel better now." Suddenly James toppled on top of Sirius and they rolled

together across the floor. Lily made a face and walked away and Alex wondered what new argument could have possibly cropped up during

dinner between her and James. Then, between poundings from Sirius, James poked his head up and said,

"You see, Lily, she's just fine. I told you that Sirius would make her feel better. All it takes is some good ol' snogging and-oompf!" Sirius's hand

had clapped itself around James's mouth.

"Ha! He wishes!" said Alex, laughing. Sirius pretended to look hurt, clutching his hand to his heart.

"Thou woundeth me, sweet lady!" he cried before James elbowed him in the belly.

"I'm sure." She replied turning as Remus approached them. "Remus!" she cried, turning to hug her friend. "I feel as if I haven't seen you all

day!" she said. Remus smiled.

"I saw you at lunch." He said, keeping an arm securely hooked around her.

"Oh. That's right." She said, thinking back to lunch. "Well, now that I'm single again," she waved her eyebrows suggestively at this, "I suppose

you'll be seeing a lot more of me!" Remus squeezed her slightly, knowing her tendency to joke about the things that hurt her.

"I sure hope so." He said. What sounded like a growl came from the direction where James and Sirius were still wrestling on the floor. Remus

removed his arm from around Alex and smiled. "Well, I need to…go grab some books. To study." He said, obviously lying then before anyone

could say something, he turned around and left.

"That was strange." Said Alex, shrugging as Lily grabbed her and began dragging her to the study tables.

The two boys on the floor finally quit wrestling and turned to watch the two girls go. Finally James elbowed Sirius in the ribs.

"So, no snogging, eh?" he asked. Sirius dragged his friend into a headlock.

"No, Potter." He said, his eyes still on Alex's retreating form

"But you like her, huh?" he asked. Sirius considered his answer.

"No. I don't." James shot up.

"Liar."

"I'm not lying, James." He said, getting up and leaving James to ponder his answer.

* * *


	3. J J Jealousy

* * *

Chapter 3: J-J-Jealousy

* * *

"Alex, will you stop playing with Sirius's hair and get over here?" Lily asked impatiently. Sirius shook his head from Alex's lap, half asleep.

"No…" he said, "Feels good…" Alex laughed.

"What do you need help with Lily." She asked. Lily harrumphed.

"I don't need _help_. I just want you to help me study is all." She replied.

"Then you need help." Said James, looking over her shoulder at what she was doing. "Transfiguration?" he asked. Lily nodded. "I can help you

with that if you like." Lily was about to make what Alex was sure would be a nasty retort so Alex cleared her throat exaggeratedly.

"Thanks James," she said, through clenched teeth. Sirius grinned up at Alex.

"So in love." He murmured. Alex rolled her eyes and grinned.

"Hey, where's Remus? I haven't seen him around all night." She asked suddenly.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

"He's not feeling well." said James, nonchalantly.

"No? Well, is he in the infirmary? Perhaps we should check on him?" she asked.

"Uh, no he's in his room, laying down." said Peter who had popped up beside them.

"Oh okay." She said, returning her attention to Sirius's hair.

"Why are you so worried about him?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, I don't know, because all James said was that he wasn't feeling well. That could mean anything really." She said.

"Well, he's fine." said Sirius, vehemently.

"Okay." said Alex, shrugging. "Are you alright, Sirius?" she asked.

"Yeah Sirius, are you feeling okay? You sound kind of funny at the moment." added James over his shoulder.

"Yeah," replied Sirius in a strained voice, "I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

"You sound kind of, oh I don't know, upset?" said James, "No, no, annoyed? No that's not it. It's something that starts with a J. It's on the tip of

my tongue really. OH! That's it! You sound-"

"Shut it, James!" said Sirius getting up and startling Alex. He stalked off to the ever present fireplace. Alex shrugged and laid back down on the

couch.

"I hope he feels better before the ball." She said.

"Who, Sirius?" asked James.

"No, Remus, he's my date. Didn't he tell you?" Lily made a squeaky noise and turned to look at Alex.

"You didn't tell _me_!" she practically yelled, smiling. Then suddenly her face fell as she turned to look at James who already had a forlorn look on

his face as he stared to where Sirius was. Alex got up and stretched.

"I'm going to go see what's wrong with Sirius." she said, "Plus, it's getting cold over here." Lily and James exchanged another uneasy glance.

Peter, oblivious to it all was chewing on his quill as he read over his essay for Potions.

"Hey Sirius, you alright?" asked Alex, sitting down next to him. Sirius shrugged.

"Yeah." He said, "I'm fine."

"You sure, 'cause-" but before she could finish Sirius cut her off.

"You going to the masquerade?" he asked. Alex nodded.

"Yeah. I already asked Remus and he said he'd go with me." She didn't notice Sirius's jaw clench, "Thank goodness he was available, it took me

a while to realize nobody was planning to ask me." She replied, sounding rather hurt. Then she smiled, "So who're you going with? Knowing

you, you probably already have a thousand invites."

"I'm going with Priscilla Wellington." He said, nonchalantly. In truth, he hadn't even asked her yet. But he knew she would say yes. Alex shifted

in her seat.

"Isn't she a Slytherin?" she asked.

"Yeah. So what?" he replied.

"Well, I thought you hated Slytherins." Alex said, nonplussed.

"Yeah, well, Priscilla's not so bad, is she. She's one of the prettiest girls in this place." He added, harshly.

"Oh." said Alex, shrugging, "Okay." After a few minutes of awkward silence Alex got up, "You know, for a while there, I thought you would ask

me. Then I remembered you're quite full of yourself." She said. Sirius opened his mouth as if to say something but couldn't seem to come up with

anything to say. "I'm going to go study." She said, and contrary to what she said, stalked right past Lily and straight to her room.

* * *

"Alex! You have to stay still!" said Lily, pulling a comb through Alex's unruly dark brown locks.

"Do I really have to do this?" she asked Lily, wincing as she pulled viciously at a tangle.

"Well, I'm not going to let you go in there in your Quidditch robes which, by the way, are about the only good pair of robes you have left!" she

said.

"I can't believe I let you pick out this dress." Alex said gesturing down at her form fitting saffron colored dress. Lily ignored her.

"I can't believe you keep all this hair tied up in a knot all day." She said, "Finally!" she said, once all the tangles were gone, "I can use that little

spell I learned and you're hair _should_ curl rather nicely." She stated, turning to look at little piece of parchment paper. "Torqueo!" she said. Alex

winced, waiting for something horrible to happen. Like her head to roll off. Instead all she felt was her hair rise up her shoulders as it curled

itself into beautiful loose curls. "Well, we're ready!" Lily said, turning in front of her mirror. Alex had to admire her. With her red hair and green

eyes, the peach shade she had chosen looked beautiful. Her mask was owl like, trimmed in lace and pearls. Alex got up awkwardly to view

herself in the mirror as well. She gasped. She looked the complete opposite of Lily. Her naturally tan skin had darkened over the summer and

given her dark hair a hint of natural highlights. Her dark brown eyes stood out against the simple white silk mask she wore, making them

look brighter than usual. Her lips were glossed in a shade similar to but lighter than her dress. She looked much older than her sixteen years.

She also looked much more beautiful than she could have ever thought possible.

"Wow." She said, then turned to hug Lily, "Thanks! I probably would've looked like a prude in that dress I was going to pick!" she said.

"No, I didn't let you pick that dress 'cause you didn't have the money for it, remember?" Lily laughed, "It was beautiful though. But this one was

pretty similar aside from the color." She said. "Come on. We've got guys to make drool." She said, hooking her arm in Alex's.

They were disappointed briefly when they came down and noticed James and Remus at a game of Wizard's chess but rewarded (at least Lily

was) when the guys looked up and James's jaw dropped practically to the floor. James was wearing a simple black set of dress robes with a

peach colored shirt that perfectly matched Lily's, which Alex assumed, was Lily's doing. Remus wore a similar set that looked a little more worn,

but the shirt underneath also matched Alex's dress. Alex glanced at Lily, wondering if that was her doing as well.

"Good evening, ladies." said Remus, getting up and sweeping a bow. James followed suit. "You look beautiful this evening, Ms. Melanctha."

"As do you, Ms. Evans." Said James, a little tongue-tied. Together the couples began walking towards the ball

"Oh, please, Sir Lupin, call me Alexandria." Said Alex, struggling not to laugh.

"Not Alex?" he asked, putting a hand over his heart.

"Nay, not Alex. Today, I am not Alex." She replied, laughing. Remus smiled.

"At that you are wrong milady." He replied.

"How so?" she asked him, smiling. But before he could reply they had reached the ball.

"Ah, would you care for some butterbeer, milady?" asked James, turning to Lily.

"Why certainly." She replied, laughing. James turned to Remus.

"Come my good sir, we must fetch butterbeer for our wenches." Lily smacked his arm at that, but Alex and Remus laughed, Remus leaving to get

some drinks with Alex.


	4. Quidditch Robes

* * *

Chapter 4: Quidditch Robes

* * *

"Alex, are you looking for someone?" asked Lily, after what seemed like their fiftieth dance. Alex hadn't been surprised at the amount of people

that wanted to dance with Lily but had been surprised at the amount of people that wanted to dance with _her_. She and Lily were quite content

with their own partners however until Lily noticed Alex glancing anxiously at the entrance. The boys had left to go get some more drinks.

"Oh no, I was just wondering, have you seen…?" Alex shook her head, as if to say never mind, but Lily had caught on.

"Come, walk with me over there, I want to say hi to Alice." She said, grabbing Alex and dragging her with her. However, halfway to her

destination, Lily let go of Alex's arm. "Wait here for a moment." She said, then darted away.

"But!" Alex, reached out to grab her friend but she was gone. Suddenly she turned and saw Sirius's eyes on her. To her surprise he walked over

and bowed slightly.

"Care to dance?" he asked. Flustered, Alex simply nodded. As they began to dance Alex noticed that as often as his eyes were on her they were

also about the room, searching.

"Looking for someone?" she asked, thinking of Priscilla, but saying it with the same airy tone she'd been using all day with Remus."Your date,

perhaps?" she added, with a hint of anger. Sirius didn't seem to notice.

"As a matter of fact, I am. However, she is not my date. She is my friend's date." Alex stiffened slightly as she realized he might meant her. Was

he joking?

"Why is it that you are looking for your friend's date?" she asked, "Care to steal her from him?"

"Perhaps. I just don't want her to grow too lonesome at the side of her date." He replied.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked, confused. Sirius smiled down at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm dancing with you, I should be focused on you." Then as an afterthought he added, "I'm just afraid my friend won't get asked to

dance many times, she can seem rather plain at times." He shrugged but Alex stopped completely. "Are you okay?" he asked her, frowning. Alex

was no beauty most of the time but that was because she didn't put the care into her appearance that others did. She could ill afford it. Most of

her clothing was old and patched and didn't fit her right. She never seemed to know what to do with her hair. But she had always known she

could be pretty if she wanted to. She just didn't see the point in prettying herself up for a regular day. But hearing it from a friend's mouth was

not something she had expected. She gave Sirius a slight shove, her hands fisting at her sides.

"How easy it must be for someone as handsome as you to make me feel ugly on the one day that I feel beautiful." She said, removing her mask.

Sirius gaped in shock as Alex turned and ran to where Remus stood. He watched as Alex said something to him then stalked out of the hall.

Remus turned to look at Sirius, a shadow growing across his face. He stalked over to where Sirius stood.

"What did you say to her?" he demanded. Sirius looked like he was going to be ill. "What did you say?"

"I said…I think I…" Sirius looked around, as if looking for an escape, suddenly his eyes locked on Remus, "I think I just told her she was ugly."

He said, simply, dragging a hand over his face.

"What?" asked Remus, dumbfounded. "Why would you do that?" he asked, suddenly annoyed.

"I didn't know it was her." He said, running a hand over his face. "I didn't know it was her." Remus sighed as he watched a series of emotions

run across his friends face.

"Well, that was a stupid thing to do. She's bloody beautiful and you know it." Sirius watched as Remus slowly fisted and relaxed his hands.

"Go." He said simply, and that was all Sirius needed to hear.

"Oh who is it?" asked Alex, after she had tried unsuccessfully to ignore the knock at the door to the classroom she was in.

"May I come in?" she heard a muffled voice ask.

"Alright, hurry up." She said. Sirius walked in to see Alex sitting on a chair in front of a mirror she must have conjured out of thin air. She was

sifting through what looked to be one of Lily's notebooks. She glanced up briefly at Sirius. "I can't find it." She said. "Go away." Sirius looked at

her confused.

"What?"

"I said I can't find it. Now go away!" she shouted, shutting the book. Sirius simply stood there for a moment, his hand still clutching the

doorknob. "Lily used some silly little spell to make my hair like this and now I can't get it straight again. I can't find a spell to change it back

again." She said, huffing slightly.

"It looks nice like that Alexa." said Sirius, hesitantly. He had no idea what mood Alex was in. Alex simply snorted at him.

"Why do you call me that?" she asked suddenly. "Everyone else calls me Alex and only you call me Alexa, why?" Sirius shrugged.

"Everyone calls you Alex 'cause it's like you're one of the guys. It makes you sound more of a tomboy than you really are. So I call you Alexa

because it's still less of a mouthful than your full name and because there's no way I can get around the fact that you are _not_ just one of the

guys." Alex simply frowned at this. Sirius sighed and shut the door. "I didn't mean to say that to you Alexa but it's the truth. You go around

acting as if you're everybody's kid sister or something. Most guys won't look at you any further because of that. I was afraid you were going to

come to this party in Lord knows what, your Quidditch robes or something." Alex sniffed at this, having already heard it once, "and I was afraid

the guys wouldn't want to dance with you because all they would see is Alex, their friend. Not Alexandria the girl." He said, shrugging. "I had no

idea you'd come looking so amazing." He said then quieted. Alex realized it had slipped involuntarily out of his mouth.

"Would you care to walk me back to the party Sirius?" she asked, getting up, "I feel kind of bad having deserted Remus simply because you

were being an ass." Sirius winced but smiled.

"Sure, come on. Though I warn you, Remus has had a lot more female attention ever since girls started thinking you two were dating." He

glanced at her briefly, "You two aren't dating, right?" Alex laughed.

"No, we're not dating. We're much better as friends I think, although I did ask him once." Sirius looked startled.

"You did?" he asked, just as they reached the entrance. Alex nodded.

"Yeah, but, he said no. Obviously." She shrugged and smiled at the memory. "It was quite funny actually, but he gave me the impression he

would have said yes, had it not been for other reasons." Sirius pulled at his shirt and turned to look at Remus who was walking towards them.

"Did he say why?" he asked. Alex gave him a long look.

"Something about a friend." She said then shook her head. "Hey, Remus! I'm sorry I skipped out on you like that." She said, hugging him tightly.

Remus slipped an arm around her neck and kissed her head.

"S'okay." He said, glancing at Sirius. Sirius simply smiled back.

* * *


	5. I Just Can't

* * *

Chapter 5: I Just Can't

* * *

"Nooooo!" cried Alex, when Sirius jumped on top of her with a pillow. "Sirius!" she managed to twist him off the couch so landed on the floor and

sat on his stomach, holding his hands. "When are you going to get I'm tiny??? I can't handle your weight the way James can!" she laughed.

Sirius simply managed to flip her over again.

"You're mighty strong for such a little girl," he said, rubbing at his arms. Alex tried unsuccessfully to shove him from off top of her. He grabbed

her arms and hoisted them above her head. "Try to get out of this." He said. Alex wrinkled her nose,

"Your hair is tickling me, Sirius." She said. He simply laughed. Lily looked over and sniffed haughtily.

"Get a room you guys." She said, then turned to help Peter with some equation.

"Hey!" cried Sirius and Alex collectively. Then Sirius looked down at Alex and grinned. "Wouldn't be such a bad idea." He said, so only Alex could

hear him. She turned bright red.

"Get off of me, Sirius." She said, halfheartedly. Sirius let her go and stood up but continued to look at her and smile. "What?" she asked, looking

at him as if he were some strange, disgusting insect. He shrugged. "Alright guys, well," Alex glanced out a window, "I think I'm going out." She

said, pulling her shoes back on.

"But Alex, it's dark out. We're not allowed out when it's dark out!" said Lily, ever the mindful one.

"So?" Alex shrugged. "Big deal, it's hardly kept these guys from doing it before." James looked up.

"That's a little different." He said, glancing at Sirius and Peter. Remus was looking between Sirius and Alex with a half smile on his face.

"How about you take her, Sirius?" asked Remus, quickly pretending to be more interested in his paper than what he had just said. Sirius

nodded.

"Sure, why not?" he said, cocking an elbow out for Alex to grab a hold of. Alex cast him a wary look. "The night awaits us."

"I'll be fine on my own. I've actually managed it before, thanks." She said, beginning to head out. James watched as Sirius followed her out.

"You're not going to say anything Lily?" he asked. Lily shrugged.

"She doesn't listen to me. Only to Remus, really." She said, turning back to Peter. "And don't you go getting any notions of following them. You

need to study." She said, tapping his paper. James sighed and turned back to his work.

"Seriously, Sirius, you needn't follow me." She said, reaching the portrait hole.

"Seriously, Sirius?" he laughed, "I know I don't need to, I want to." He said. "Besides, I know a couple secrets you might well be interested in."

he said, conspiratorially.

"Like?" asked Alex, suddenly interested. Sirius motioned for her to follow him down an empty corridor. At least it seemed empty until Sirius

spotted Mrs. Norris walking down the opposite hall. He motioned for Alex to follow him behind a tapestry. The alcove behind the tapestry

provided just enough space for the two of them so both were tightly pressed against each other. Suddenly, Sirius smiled and looked down at

Alex whose eyes were level with his mouth. Alex gave him a funny look then pretended to be paying attention to any sounds coming from the

hall. Sure enough the footsteps of Mr. Filch soon followed down the corridor which Mrs. Norris had just passed.

"Alex?" whispered Sirius. Alex gave him a questioning glance.

"Yes, Sirius?" she asked.

"Why did you lie before?" he asked her, pushing back some loose hair from her face.

"What?" she asked, him, sincerely unsure of what he was talking about.

"You lied when you told me you had asked Remus out before." He said, simply. Alex turned red.

"No, I didn't." she said.

"Yes, you did." He replied, letting his fingers trail across her cheek. "You see, I was there that day. I was behind the two of you when you asked

him. He said no and you acted all heartbroken but then said you understood. Remus didn't say anything else to make it seem as if he wanted to

say yes." Alex's face turned even redder.

"I…" she began.

"You lied to me. Why?" he asked, his fingers creeping around her chin to tilt her face up.

"Because, Sirius." She said, hesitating.

"Because what?" he asked her.

"Because I wanted to see your reaction." She said, still looking at anywhere but his eyes.

"Oh, and why was that?" he asked. Finally she looked at him.

"Because Sirius, I wanted to see if you would say…" Sirius let his finger trace the bottom of her lip and she closed her eyes slightly.

"Mm-hm?" he said.

"I wanted you to say that you were the friend, that you were the reason why Remus would say no. Because the only reason I asked Remus in

the first place was because I wanted to make sure I didn't hurt him by eventually asking you." She said quietly.

"Why didn't you ask me?" he asked, just as quietly.

"Oh, I don't know." She laughed, "Maybe because for once I was scared of being rejected. Sirius," at this she turned her face away from him, "In

case you haven't realized, your reputation as a boyfriend is quite well known." She glanced back at him briefly. "Love 'em and leave 'em." She

said. Sirius stiffened slightly.

"But Alexa, you know I wouldn't…" he thought back to the amounts of times he had bragged, even in front of her, of the girls he had dated.

"Alexandria." He said, tilting her face to his once more. "Have I given you reason not to trust me before?" he asked her. She shook her head,

no. "Then why won't you trust me now?" he asked.

"I can't Sirius. I just can't." she said, then without warning, stepped out from behind the tapestry and ran back to the Gryffindor common room.

Sirius did not follow. Instead he headed outside so he could think about everything that had just happened.

* * *


	6. Change

* * *

Chapter 6: Change

* * *

"What's with her?" asked James when he watched as Alex hurried to leave upon seeing Sirius enter the room. Lily shrugged.

"She hasn't talked to me about it." She said. The both looked at Remus who was studying at the other side of the table with Peter.

"She hasn't spoken to me either." He said, and then looked up at Sirius. "Is something wrong with Alex, Sirius?" he asked. Sirius gave him a

glare and sat down.

"I don't want to talk about, Lupin." He said, opening a book. Remus went back to studying knowing that the only times Sirius used last names

was when he was joking or upset. Lily glanced back up the stairs where Alex had disappeared.

"Maybe I should try and talk to her?" she asked, glancing at Sirius who merely shrugged. "Or better yet, why don't you try Remus?" she asked,

still looking at Sirius, "She's _always_ willing to talk to you." Sirius sat up straighter in his chair.

"I'll go talk to her." He said, vehemently, slamming his books down on the table and stalking up the stairs.

Sirius tapped on the door which was already open. Alex sat at the windowsill, looking out over the lake.

"Alexa, we need to talk." Alex didn't so much as turn to look at him.

"No, we don't." she said.

"Yes, we do." Said Sirius, striding over.

"Why?" she asked, turning to look at him.

"Because we can't go on avoiding each other for the rest of our natural existence!" he said, shutting the door behind him.

"So we need to talk so that people can see we're okay?" she asked, dripping sarcasm.

"Dammit Alexa, we need to talk and that's it." He said, turning to look out the window with her. "Just tell me why. Why won't you…?" his hands

twitched in a helpless gesture.

"Because Sirius, I won't be one of those stupid little girls who gets their heart broken because their unwilling to look past how damn gorgeous

you are." She said, still looking at him.

"But Alexa, you must know I wouldn't do that to you." He said, simply.

"It doesn't matter Sirius. Relationships end. Friendships don't. Just be my friend, Sirius." She said, almost pleadingly.

"I don't understand you Alexa. I really don't. But it really is too late for me. I can't be your friend because it kills me to be next to you and not be

able to hold you the way I want to." He said, then turned to walk out when she simply remained silent.

* * *

"Remus, you must do something." Said Lily after running into the common room.

"What's wrong?" he asked, getting up.

"She's not coming down. She refuses to come down. She keeps telling me she'll just be late for class, but Remus, I don't know, she doesn't

want to leave the room!" cried Lily, upset and confused. Remus followed Lily up the stairs but instead of turning into the girls dormitory he went

to his room.

"But Remus!" Lily said, pointing down the other hall. Remus shook his head.

"No Lily, the problem isn't in that hall, at least not fully." He walked into his room where Sirius was pretending to read a book and pulled his

friend up out his bed.

"You, go over there and tell her you love her!" he shouted, pointing towards Lily. Sirius looked confused.

"Uh, sorry pal, but that's James you're talking about." He said. Lily flushed and looked at James who was in his bed, then left the room. James

followed her out.

"I'm not talking about Lily. Just go tell her you love her." He repeated.

"It's no use, Remus. She doesn't want to be with me." He said, shrugging helplessly.

"No, you idiot, she doesn't want to be with that guy inside of you that refuses to settle down for the briefest second. She wants you to tell her

you love her so she can trust you. Dammit," he said, shoving Sirius towards the door, just go tell her.

Sirius walked hesitantly towards the girl's dormitory but didn't have to go far. Lily was physically dragging Alex down the steps.

"Uh, Lily?" he asked, Lily turned around so sharply she pulled on Alex. Alex teetered precariously over the edge of the steps. Sirius grabbed her

just before she fell. Looking at Lily he smiled, "May I have a word with Alex for a moment?" he asked, so kindly that Lily looked at him in mild

surprise.

"As long as you make sure she is not, I repeat, _not_ late for potions." She said, walking away as Sirius nodded.

"What do you need to talk to me about this time?" asked Alex, turning around to face him.

"I wanted to tell you something." He said awkwardly, but instead of saying anything he merely pulled her to him. "I really don't know how to go

about saying this so I suppose I should just be out with it. I've been in love with you since the day I met you." He said, taking a deep breath,

"When you ignored me and started flirting with Remus, when all I could get from you was a quirky smile or a raised eyebrow. I don't know how

it is I became your friend, I'm only glad it happened. But please give me a chance Alexandria. I can change. For you I can change." He whispered

in her ear. His heart fell when Alex shook her head.

"I don't want you to change Sirius." She said, "I don't want you to change for me. Changing for someone else never lasts long. If you're going to

change Sirius, I'd rather not be the one you do it for." She said.

"I don't understand…I thought you didn't want to be with me because of the way I am?" he said. Alex shook her head and shrugged.

"I don't know what I want Sirius. I want you, but I don't want this…this version of you. You're still nothing more than a boy Sirius. You should be

doing whatever you can to have fun. Don't force yourself to grow up for me. Just come for me when you're grown up." She said, sighing, "Does

that make any sense?" Sirius nodded reluctantly.

"I guess so. But you know," he said, tilting her face towards his, "it simply makes me want you more now than ever." He said, kissing her lips

lightly before descending the stairs. He stopped at the bottom and looked up at her. "You coming? Evans'll have my head if you aren't in class

on time." He smiled weakly up at her and she smiled back and followed him to class.

* * *


	7. Nothing I Can't Handle

* * *

Chapter 7: Nothing I Can't Handle

* * *

The next few weeks were both strenuous and amazing for Alex. She grew closer to Sirius as they spent more time together, getting to know

one another. He did simple romantic things for her, like holding a door open, or picking a flower and putting it in her hair. The truth was neither

of them were ready to move into a relationship with the strong feelings they had towards each other, and he appreciated how much she had

realized that. As long as they were near friends or talking about inane things, everything went as usual. It was the brief silences that were the

hardest to bear. The silences that, had they been a couple, would've been filled with caresses and kisses. It was when she barged into their

room to wake Remus up early and found Sirius in a pair of black boxer briefs and all she could manage to do was raise her eyebrows. He had

expected her to run, or at the very least cover her eyes modestly but she didn't do anything of the sort. She simply stared at him in a way that

nearly sent him over the edge.

"You're up early." She said.

"Quidditch practice, luv." said James, who was walking out of the shower with a towel on. Alex's eyes traveled to rest not so briefly on James

abs before looking back over at Sirius. "Care to let a man get dressed?" asked, James, gesturing towards his towel. Alex finally snapped out of

it.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Just wake up Remus for me and tell him I'll be waiting for him at breakfast." She said, then hurried out. When she reached the

Great Hall she found that she wasn't very hungry for anything on the table and simply waited for Remus to show up. Of course when he did, he

brought three others in tow, one of whom she didn't really want to see right now. At least not fully clothed.

"Did you eat already, Alex?" asked Remus, sitting down and grabbing some bacon.

"I'm not really hungry at the moment." She said, shaking her head.

"Didn't see anything you liked?" asked Sirius, glancing at her. She had the decency to blush slightly.

"Actually, come to think of it, I did." She said and smiled as she watched Sirius tense out of the corner of her eye. "James," she called out, "I

saw that notice you put up. Horrible what happened to Grady. So, seeker tryouts are today?" James nodded.

"Yeah, right before practice." He said, around a mouthful of food. "Why, you interested?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I sure am." She said, looking at Black.

Alex breathed in deeply as she walked out to the pitch. She wasn't nervous. She was focused. She swung her leg over her broom and took off.

She was paired off with a fifth year who sneered at her over his broom.

"Girls shouldn't play sports," he said, "the only thing they're good in is bed." He said, taunting her. Alex smiled back.

"You'd know that wouldn't you?" she said, smiling.

"Yeah, I would." He smiled back.

"What with your mom being a prime example and all." She said, then darted past him as she caught sight of the snitch. Her momentum had

caused him to spin on his broom so she was well ahead of him. Her light build was much better matched for being a seeker than the fifth years

so it was a while before he caught up to her. As he did she noticed a bludger swerving at her from her right. She spun on her broom and

chuckled as she heard it collide with the fifth year. She dodged a couple more bludgers and even the quaffle before she finally wrapped her

hands around the snitch. Just as she did however she was tackled from the side and toppled over in the air, one hand clutching her broom. Just

before her hand slipped off, James came up and grabbed her, settling her over his broom.

"You alright there, luv?" he asked, as Alex reached out to grab her broom. "What happened?"

"Nothing I can't handle, James." She said, glaring at the offending player then presenting James with the snitch.

"Well," James said as they landed, "seems we found our new seeker for the time being." He said. The rest of the team started clapping and Alex

smiled, happy to have made it. The fifth year walked by and shoved into her.

"Figures you'd give the position to your friend." He said to James but kept walking. Alex noticed Sirius pull out his wand and start walking

towards the boy.

"Sirius, no." she said, holding down his wand arm with one hand.

"He's the reason you almost fell off, isn't he? I didn't see him, else I probably would've thrown him off his broom." He said, angrily, trying to push

past her. "As it is I'm going to have to settle on hexing him 'til even Madame Pomfrey can't help him." He said.

"Sirius, really, just calm down." Insisted Alex, finally succeeding in halting him.

"Well, if you're going to do something, do it already!" he said, frustrated.

"Fine!" she muttered, turning around. Sirius, having expected a well aimed hex, was surprised when Alex strode up to the boy and shoved him

to get his attention. "Hey, asshole!" she said, pulling out her wand, "This is for you!" the team watched in shock as she aimed her wand and

without uttering a single word turned around. The boy started laughing and aimed his wand at her. Before he could utter a single word

however, a large yellow-green blob began coming out of his nose. He grasped his nose in confusion then pulled his hand away, each holding a

blob of the stuff that had come out. He watched as right before his eyes each blob took the form of a bat and began attacking his face, even as

more blobs began falling from his nose. He ran, yelling, into the castle, followed by a chorus of laughter.

"Good job, Alex, didn't know you had it in you!" said James, patting her on her back. Alex smiled despite herself and turned towards Sirius.

"You happy now?" she asked him, hands on hips, "I'll probably get a month's worth of detention because of that." Sirius however still looked

upset.

"If he so much as looks at you again I'll pummel him." He said, without looking at her.

"Sirius, it really wasn't that big a deal. Why are you so upset about it?" she asked, "After all, it happened to me, not you." Sirius glanced at her

then turned and stalked off towards the boy's lockers.

When James reached the locker rooms it was to see Sirius leaning his head against his locker.

"Oy, Sirius, mate, you alright?" he asked, sitting down.

"She could've been seriously hurt." He said, simply, sitting down next to his friend and dragging a hand over his face.

"Seriously?" asked James, trying to lighten the mood.

"Imagine if you hadn't caught her in time." His friend replied. "Better yet, imagine it had been Lily." James straightened on the bench.

"I see what you mean mate." He said, nodding slowly. "So what're we going to do to him?" he said. Sirius simply smiled.

* * *


	8. What Now?

* * *

Chapter 8: What Now?

* * *

"SIRIUS BLACK!" shouted a disembodied, yet very female voice. All four marauders looked up, one of them getting up and beginning to walk

backwards towards the boys dormitories

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it." He said, to the room at large. The room turned as one towards the source of the sound, all 5'3" of her. Alex

charged into the room glaring at Sirius who looked rather worried until she stalked up to him and had to tilt her head all the way back just to

look up at him.

"Why can't you seem to keep your damned paws out of my business?" she yelled, punctuating each word with a finger-jab to the chest.

"Paws?" asked Sirius, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yes, paws, because only an animal would do what you did to that stupid fifth year!" she practically growled.

"Look who's the little animal now." He said, smirking.

"Dammit, Sirius! You're not my father, you're not my brother, you're not anything to me!" she hissed at him.

"You know what. You're completely right." He said, quickly turning around and walking away from her. After a few moments Alex followed him up

the stairs and into his room.

"Sirius," she said, knocking softly at his door. She opened it when he didn't answer. "Where are you?"

"I'm getting ready to take a shower." He said. Alex watched as he flung his robes out the bathroom door.

"Sirius, I didn't mean it that way." She said, walking up to the door yet not opening it fully. "You have to understand, even before I got sorted

into Gryffindor I never really had anyone there for me." She sighed and slid down the wall until she was sitting just outside the door. "Raven

was too little. Ciera was too full of herself. And me, well, I've always been picked on. I'm not used to people caring about it." She said, sighing.

"Well, get used to it." He said, opening the door. Alex scrambled up hastily and turned to face him. He was wearing a pair of unzipped jeans and

no shirt. "Whether you like it or not you're someone important to me. I'm not going to let you get hurt." But Alex had stopped paying attention

the moment she had seen him.

"Mm-hm." She mumbled. Sirius smirked and tilted her face up to him.

"My face is here, luv." He laughed. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, is it?…Oh!" she said, stumbling backwards. Sirius reached forward and pulled her up against his chest. "Sirius…I- I didn't mean to…"

"Sorry, luv, but the way you're looking at me doesn't leave room for last minute doubts." And with that said, he kissed her.

When Remus walked into the room he simply stared down at the bra that had landed ever so gracefully on his bed, without a clue as to what to

do about it and how it got there. Sure, everyone might believe that he dealt with that problem constantly, considering that one of his best

friends was considered the resident player of the school, however, the truth was Sirius had only ever slept with two girls before and neither of

those had been in this room. Another thing that disturbed Remus was that the shower had just shut off. That and the fact that clothes he was

looking on seemed despairingly familiar. Remus began to walk back out of the room when the bathroom door opened.

"Stay right here, luv, I'll get you your clothes." He said, leaning in to kiss someone. He stopped rigidly as he turned around and came face to

face with Remus. "Ah…hello there, mate."

"What? Who's there?" called Alex, as Sirius shut the door on her. Remus, thankfully, was standing to the side and couldn't see her, but he

hadn't closed the door on time. Remus knew without a doubt who was behind the door.

"I'll just come back later, okay?" he said, retreating out the door.

"Remus, wait." Sirius whispered, walking out into the hall holding his towel around him. "Don't tell anyone just yet okay?" Remus nodded, still

seemingly in shock. "I want to tell them when _she_'s ready to…and I don't know if she is yet." Sirius ran frustrated fingers through his soaking

wet hair.

"Just be careful, Pads. James is very… protective of her." And with that warning, Remus hastened on down the hall.

"Who was that?" asked Alex, as she pulled on her clothes. Sirius snapped out of staring at her as she put on her clothes and shrugged.

"It was just Moony." He said, watching carefully to gauge her reaction. She stopped in the middle of buttoning up her shirt and flushed.

"Remus? Did…did he know it was me?" she asked. Sirius knew better than to lie to her.

"He figured it out, I think he heard you before I managed to close the door."

"Oh."

"Oh?" he asked, not sure what she was thinking.

"You don't think he…that he'll think…anything, do you?"

"What do you mean? Do you mean if he thinks we're shagging? Of course he does." But Sirius knew what she meant. She was asking if Remus

would look at her the same way he did all of the girls Sirius usually hooked up with. "Look, I know you wouldn't believe me, but I've only slept

with two girls before. I think he knows that with you it's…serious." He smirked.

"You're right, I don't believe you." She said, tucking in her shirt finally. But she was smiling and Sirius could sense her relief. After making sure

everything was right, even making sure that the same pieces of hair that were loose from her ponytail before were still loose, despite the fact

that it was wet now.

"So, what now?" he asked, suddenly feeling awkward. Alex simply smiled and patted her stomach.

"Food." She said, grabbing his hand and walking out.

* * *


	9. We All Lose Control

* * *

Chapter 9: We All Lose Control

* * *

Alex let go of Sirius's hand at the bottom of the staircase.

"I'm going to run up to my room and change really quick, okay? I'll see you in the kitchen?" she said, running along. She didn't stop to hear his

answer or even to give him a quick kiss the way most other girls would have, so she didn't see the strange look on Sirius's face as he watched

her walk up to her room. Less than fifteen minutes later, dressed in her favorite pair of jeans and a snug Beatles t-shirt, Alex sat waiting for

Sirius, playing with her tiramisu. She had expected him to already be there waiting for her, but as it turned out, he seemed to be taking his time.

Twenty minutes later she got up and left, her tiramisu an indefinable lump of mush on the table. Alex saw James and Peter as she entered the

common room but saw no sign of Sirius.

"Hey guys, have you seen Sirius at all?" she asked them.

"Last I saw him he wasn't in the mood to talk." James said rather grumpily.

"Did you see which direction he went in?" asked Alex.

"He went out." Peter shrugged, pointing to the door.

"Oh," mumbled Alex, walking away, "Thanks."

Alex didn't get it. They had seemed completely fine when they were in the room together. Sirius even said that it was serious between them,

didn't he? Instead of dwelling on it too hard, Alex decided to wait for dinner in the library where she saw Remus.

"Hello, Alex." He said, smiling at the blush that had crept across Alex's cheeks.

"Hi there!" she said, none too brightly.

"You okay?" he asked, frowning at the look on her face.

"Yeah…I just…have you seen Sirius, by any chance?" she asked, grabbing a chair to sit down.

"As a matter of fact I did." He replied, turning back to his book. "He was headed outside." As Alex turned to get up Remus stopped her by

grabbing her hand. "Maybe you should stay here for a minute."

"Why?"

"Because I don't think Sirius is ready for anything…serious…yet." He said, not even bothering to smile at the unintended pun.

"What do you mean?" asked Alex, feeling very defensive.

"I mean," he started, "that I get the feeling what just happened with you and Sirius was more of a spontaneous thing than something actually

thought out and planned. Am I right?" Alex nodded. "Well, how do you feel about it?" Alex took a moment to consider.

"I don't know Remus. I felt…well, perfect, really." She said. Remus noticed the look on her face as the one she usually wore when she was too

upset to even cry. He reached out and pulled her closer to him. "I felt like everything was suddenly okay with the world, you know? I didn't even

think about what it really might mean. It just happened and we were happy and that's all that mattered." She said, trying to control her

breathing.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't think he'd do this to you, too." Remus stopped as he realized he shouldn't have let that slip.

"What do you mean?" she asked him. Noting the rather determined look on her face, Remus decided to answer.

"He did the same thing to Christine and Michelle." He said, mentioning the names of the only other two girls Sirius had ever actually slept with.

"Well, not quite the same thing. Those were actual relationships that he was trying to take seriously. Once they became too much for him…he

left. Though I have to admit, neither time was quite like this time."

"How so?" she asked.

"Well…I hope you don't mind me pointing this out but you two weren't exactly in a relationship. That and, as far as I know, what happened

earlier was the first time, right?" Alex nodded. "Well, both times before he just…managed to maintain the relationship for a longer time. I think

you two went about this backwards kind of. There was nothing and then suddenly everything got serious all in one punch. It was too much for

him."

"I can't believe I let this happen to me." Alex said, getting up.

"It's not your fault Alex." Remus replied calmly.

"Like hell it isn't. You know me Remus. I knew better. I really did. I just…let everything get the better of me. I shouldn't have."

"We all lose control every now and then." Remus replied.

"Well, remember you're the one that said that, Remus." She said, smiling and thinking about his not so well kept secret.

"I'll try." He smiled back. He'd guessed she'd known for a while.

"I've got to go…see you later." And with that, she got up and left.

* * *


	10. I thought so

* * *

Chapter 10: I Thought So

* * *

The next day at lunch…

"Hey, you guys seen Alex?" asked Lily, sitting down next to Remus. Since Alex had gotten to her to start treating James civilly, she found that

she could tolerate the whole lot of them a lot more than she used to.

"Erm…no." said Remus uneasily, avoiding eye contact with James and Sirius who had just walked in.

"She didn't come to breakfast this morning, but I saw her in class. I wonder if something's up." Said James, having of course been listening to

Lily intently since he had seen her sit down.

"Yeah, I know, but she often misses breakfast. She never misses lunch though. Oh wait! I see…her." She'd been excited to see her until she

noticed who she was with. "Oh my." With that she turned back to her meal and glanced at Sirius out of the corner of her eye. She had a feeling

something had happened between the two but wasn't sure what. Sirius was eating his lunch with a fervor he usually reserved for planning

pranks.

"Wait…she's with Lestrange?" said James, suddenly. Sirius's head snapped up rather quickly. Across the room on the opposite side of the table,

Alex was nestled up under Rabastan Lestrange's arm and talking rather civilly to both her sister and Avaleo.

"Yes, well I see she's talking to her sister, again." Said Lily, trying to change the subject. But it was quite difficult for the rest of them to forget

as Sirius had suddenly shoved away his plate of food and left the table.

* * *

Across the room…

"Nice to see you've found your senses little sis." Said Ciera, smiling as she loving rubbed Avaleo's back.

"I don't know that's she's quite come to her sense just yet." Said Avaleo, casting a dubious glance at Bellatrix who looked about ready to Avada

Kedavra Alex.

"Well, Stan's reputation is rather well known." Said Alex, wondering if she really was crazy. Rabastan Lestrange had been pursuing her rather

ardently for some time now but had hid it well from some of his friends since she was well known for being a 'blood-traitor'. He was handsome,

rich, spoiled, and had a great reputation as a boyfriend, surprisingly enough. He was known to spoil his girlfriend and to be great in bed. He was

rather amazing at breaking hearts so painlessly that most of his exes were either still friends with him or still talked lovingly about him. His one

downside was that he was so into the dark arts he might as well have a death eater mask tattooed onto his face. She wasn't sure which

reputation her sister might think she was talking about, the good one or the bad one, but she didn't care. Lestrange looked amazing and was a

truly amazing rebound for the moment.

"Well, I hope it works out for you two." Ciera said almost sincerely.

"We hope so, too." replied Lestrange.

* * *

Later in the dormitory…

"So you're with Lestrange, now?" asked Lily, not sure whether she agreed with her friend's behaviour.

"I decided to give it a shot." Replied Alex, shrugging.

"To piss off Black?" responded Lily sweetly.

"No. To get over him." She replied honestly. "What better way to get over an old relationship than a new one?"

"You and Black were in a relationship?" asked Lily surprised.

"We had relations. They're over." She responded airily, waving her hand.

"What did he do?" growled Lily, beginning to catch on.

"Nothing, Lily. There's no need to be upset with Sirius. I'm over him. We had a chance at a relationship and well, I'm not the one for him."

"Don't say that Alex. Sirius doesn't deserve you." Lily caught sight of tears gathering in Alex's eyes and decided to leave her alone.

A few weeks passed and Alex's relationship with Rabastan had led to so much tension with the Marauders that she barely spoke to any of

them. Only James spoke to her from time to time, trying to figure out what happened. Alex was surprised Sirius hadn't told him already but

decided he should hear it from his best friend's mouth, not hers.

"Why won't you just tell me?" he asked one day, after getting no response from her.

"Sirius is your best friend, James. I'm not going to make you choose sides. I'd rather you hear what he has to say first, so you can get both

sides. I don't want to make Sirius look bad." She replied.

"So he messed up? What did he do?" he persisted.

"You don't get it do you, James? He didn't do anything wrong. He probably doesn't even know he hurt me and if he does, he obviously doesn't

care. I don't know what I did, but if you want to know the story, he's the only one that knows." Frustrated, Alex got up to leave and caught

sight of Sirius frozen at the bottom of the stairs, having obviously heard what she'd just said. "Oh, bloody hell!" she exclaimed, before turning

right back around and heading out the portrait.

"Alexa, wait!" Alex refused to stop at the sound of Sirius's voice. She'd come to the conclusion that she hated him and was perfectly happy

pretending he didn't exist. But it was hard to pretend when he caught up to her and dragged her inside an empty classroom. "Damn it all to hell,

Alexa, just wait a minute!" he said, struggling to catch his breath.

"Why should I, Sirius? You don't have a right to demand a moment of my time!" she said rather haughtily. Surprised, Sirius took a step back.

"You're an idiot to think that you can sit there and ignore me for so long, not even bothering to give me an explanation for what happened and

suddenly, when the mood strikes you, I'm supposed to wait for you to make yourself understood? I'm not stupid Sirius and I know you better

than you know yourself. Give me whatever damned excuse you want to give me and be on your way. I don't even want to hear it but if it'll make

you feel like less of an arse, go ahead!"

Alex began tapping her foot as Sirius simply stood there gaping at her. "I thought so." With that, she turned to walk out the room, then

stopped. "I don't know what you expected to happen," she said quietly, "when you saw me again that day. I don't know why you ran away. But

you're an idiot if you think I wouldn't have understood, too. I thought I'd always be your friend, Sirius, I'd always be there for you. The problem

is, I can't be there for you if you're running away from me." With that she opened the door and left

* * *

A/N: Oooh...sorry for anyone who might've read this before the change and is now currently confused...uhm...yes well...I did write this a while

ago and I am currently revamping it for 2009...so to speak. Anyways, bear with me, I think in this manner, the story will progress much more

smoothly and interestingly... :) Or so I hope!


	11. Losing You

Chapter 11: Losing You

* * *

Christmas break passed uneventfully for Alex. She spent a week at Lily's house but didn't want to feel like she was intruding on Lily or any of her

dorm mates so she spent the rest of the time alone at Hogwarts. Usually Sirius would spend the holidays with her, but since he'd gone to live with

the Potters, he'd become a sort of honorary son to them. By the time everyone came home for the holidays, she was in a bad mood. Her

relationship with Rabastan had been steadily deteriorating as he confided more and more in her about the Dark Lord and how he felt about half-

bloods and muggle-borns. It was ridiculous. Alex hated it but was wary of ruining the fragile relationship she had forming with her sister.

Alex was walking with James, having one of the rare moments that the marauders envied between the two. James had never quite figured out

what had happened between Sirius and Alex, but had dismissed it when Sirius once again fully submerged himself into the dating world. They

walked into the Gryffindor common room and James headed instinctively to his usual spot with the rest of the Marauders. Alex was too absorbed

listening to James to realize where they were headed.

"Well, if it isn't Alex? What brings you to this corner of the common room?" said Sirius, startling Alex from her conversation with James, "As a matter

of fact, what brings you around to this common room at all?" he asked. Alex simply stared at him for a moment before turning to kiss James on the

cheek and walking away.

"Was that really necessary?" asked James, sitting down next to Peter, who'd tried to ignore the confrontation.

"Face it, Prongs! That girl's a Slytherin through and through!" replied Sirius, throwing an angry glance in the direction Alex had walked in.

"You're ridiculous you know that, Sirius? Rabastan…" James, trailed off, as if he'd already said too much.

"Rabastan what James? Is so much better than I give him credit for?" he asked, assuming James was trying to defend Alex's relationship with

Rabastan.

"What? No! The guy was treating her like crap down in the dungeons! He left her for your deranged cousin!" said James, sounding pissed,

"Apparently he found out that she spent a week at Lily's house this Christmas and decided to toy with her when your cousin decided to join in!"

"What?" asked Sirius, looking alarmed, "Is she okay?"

"Her sister came and managed to stop them but didn't really help her." He said, "I think she's hurt but doesn't want to admit it. So thanks for

making her feel like crap about it!" and with that he stormed up the stairs after Alex. Sirius followed after him, slowly, unsure as to what to do.

When he reached Alex's room he hesitated outside.

"What is it about me that drives people away?" Sirius' stomach clenched at the tormented whisper.

"Alex, come on. There's nothing wrong with you." James consoled her.

"You don't understand. My family…well, my mother and I were never on good terms to begin with, but my sister? My brother? They were all I had.

Then I met you. I thought I loved you for a long time, James. I really did, until I met Sirius. I knew in my heart from the moment I met him that he

was the one for me." She laughed, self-deprecatingly, "It took me a while to realize I loved him. And it took me longer to realize that he might even

love me back. I would have waited an eternity for him, James, truly. But I never thought that he would…let me down so hard. I don't care about

Rabastan. I never did. I used him to try and get my sister back." Alex stopped talking as Sirius opened the door to the room and walked in.

"Sirius, I don't think…" said James, looking at Alex who was slumped over next to him staring quietly at her hands.

"I need to talk to her James." He replied quietly. James got up and walked over to him.

"I'm tired of looking at her hurting and knowing that it's because of you, Sirius. Make it stop or leave her alone." said James, squeezing Sirius's

shoulder for emphasis, before walking out the door.

"Sirius, I-"

"I love you." He needed to say it, he needed it out in the open, "Just listen to me okay?" taking her hands into his, Sirius knelt down and placed his

face into her hands, "I'm always going to love you, just like I always have. I hate not having you near me and when your near me I hate not talking

to you. I say things I don't mean because I need to say something to you or I'll explode." Alex lifted her hands to pull back his hair and look at him,

he met her eyes with his own tearful ones.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Alexa. But I feel like every time I lose you, I'm losing you to what took my family away, to death eaters and pure-bloods

and Slytherin. It hurts me, Alexa. You can marry Remus tomorrow and I'd forgive you. I'd hate him forever, but I'd forgive you. I'd never forgive you

joining the dark arts, or losing yourself to them because of your family, when I've gone through everything I've gone through. I'm sorry if it hurts

you to hear it, but you need to decide what's more important in your life. A family that can only hurt you or what you have right in front of you?

What do you want Alexa? Because I know what I want. I can't promise I won't mess up and make you cry again. I can only promise that I'll love

you."

"Sirius…I…" Alexa shook her head, "Merlin, it's crazy when you put it like that, Sirius. It is." She said, her jaw clenching as she tried to hold back a

torrent of emotions. Sirius looked away, unable to think that perhaps, she really did want her family back enough to destroy herself for them.

"Maybe you should have said that a long time ago. You're right Sirius, I do have to choose." Sliding down off the bed enough to wrap herself around

Sirius, Alex whispered into his ear, "The truth is I never realized what being with my family really meant until you put it into words. But I can't lose

myself to the dark arts, Sirius. You should know, I've already lost myself to you."

* * *

Finally! An Update!


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